Hate That Chore? Change Your Mind by Lynn Cutts

Hate That Chore? Change Your Mind by Lynn Cutts

March (and April) bring income tax season. For most people, the entire process is a nasty chore, from gathering the information to filling out the forms, to paying the taxes. And while chocolate helps, its not enough. Which brings me to the topic of this essay: handling the tasks we hate. We all have them, whether its taking out the trash, paying the bills, getting up in the morning (for some, thats a real chore), exercising, or whatever. So how can we make those nasty chores less distasteful?

Our mindset and attitude make a lot of difference in how we perceive life. If we have decided that something is going to be awful, then we subconsciously look for proof that it is. And we usually find it. Conversely, if we are convinced something is going to be fun, we look for that instead. Thats why two people sitting side by side each other at the same event can have two totally different experiences.

Let me tell on myself. I hate cooked carrots with a passion, almost as much as I love chocolate. (For me, eating cooked carrots is more than just a chore I hateits cruel and unusual punishment.) This is not something new; my father tells me that the first time he fed me strained carrots I spit the orange goop right back out in his face. Anyway, a couple of years ago, I was eating at a restaurant in Vermont, run by students from the Culinary Institute of America. My plate came out with some orange puree on it, and I cautiously tasted it, quite prepared, if necessary, to re-enact the scene with my father. It was delicious. It didnt taste like squash, or rutabaga, or sweet potato, all of which are orange vegetables that I like. I finally asked our server. Carrots, he said. Since I didnt know they were carrots, I hadnt decided that I didnt like them. Since I ate the orange stuff without a preconceived idea, I actually enjoyed them. All it took was changing my mindset.

(By the way, I still dont like cooked carrots. I dont know if its because I know what they are and have made up my mind already, or if the carrots at that restaurant were just exceptional. I suspect its a bit of both.)

So when it comes to taxes, and other chores we hate, the way we approach them can change our experience of them. Here are a few different things to try.

Find a way to be grateful for the chore. Yes, it sounds Pollyanna-ish, but in some ways, shes gotten a bum rap. Thank goodness you have a job so you have taxes to pay. Be happy you have a refrigerator to store your food in, even though you have to clean it out once in a while. Heating bills? Hey, you were warm last month when the thermometer took that plunge.

Focus on the outcome of what you are doing. Think how good it will feel to have those taxes done and off your mind. Think about that sparkly clean fridgeand not being afraid to open up an unmarked container. You might even arrange for someone (a spouse, friend, kid, family member) to cheer and applaud your accomplishment when you are finished. Or plan a reward for yourself.

Find something positive about what you are doing. As much as we hate paying taxes, and as much as we might disapprove of the way many of our tax dollars are spent, there are some things we are in favor of. So think about the roads, or the fire department, parkswhatever it is that you feel positive about.

Look for the sensuality in the situation. What!?! I can hear you say. Notice how things feel. Experience the glide of the pen over the paper as you write those checks. Get into the lemon-y fragrance of the dish soap youre using on the refrigerator shelves. My husband loves to take the trash out early on winter mornings because he stops and looks at the stars for a few minutes. (OK, so maybe thats not a good example. We know my husband is crazy; he married me.)

Look for the humor in the situation. Even the IRS and their ridiculous, incomprehensible instructions can be funny. I mean, who in their right mind would write like that? Can you imagine having that job? How about that green furry stuff in the back of the refrigerator? What if its a new kind of antibiotic? Play with crazy ideas and ridiculous concepts.

Use positive, powerful language around the chore. Instead of saying Yuck. I have to take out the garbage, try Hey. I get to take out the garbage. Substitute I can for I must, and I choose for I have to.

Finally, stop worrying about it. Often, we spend more time dreading and fretting about doing something we dislike than we spend actually doing it. Plus, all that worrying and fussing only reinforces our dislike of the job. Its almost like doing it over and over again in our heads, instead of just doing it once, for real.

So there are a few suggestions on how to change your attitude about those nasty chores. Play around with them until you find one that works for you. Because if we cant get rid of the chores, at least we can change how we feel about them. And theres no good reason for making ourselves feel miserable.

NOTE: You are welcome to use this article online in electronic newsletters and e-zines as long as it remains complete and unaltered (including the "about the author" info). If use of this article is desired in print, you must first contact Lynn Cutts at Lynn@ManageYourMuse.com.

Copyright 2005 Lynn Cutts

About the Author
Chocolate-loving Life Coach Lynn Cutts mission is to change the world for the better, one person at a time. At www.ManageYourMuse.com, she shares free tips, articles, games and newsletters to help you realize your dreams. Lynn offers one-on-one coaching, group coaching and self-guided programs to help you create your own boundless life. Lynn is certified by the Coaches Training Institute, and is a member of the International Coaches Federation.

Leaving The Child Behind. Recovery From Child Abuse. by Fatimah Musa

Leaving The Child Behind. Recovery From Child Abuse. by Fatimah Musa

I looked at my father for the last time before he was finally laid to rest. And I said to myself, "I forgive you father".

I have forgiven him but I have not forgotten the turmoil, terror and abuse that I went through.

My father was working away most of the time when I was growing up. But when he was home, he was violent.

I remembered crying in the middle of the night listening to him beating up my mother. I could hear her sobs. And I wept because I could not do anything about it.

I was terrified of him. We were not supposed to do any thing wrong according to his terms. When I was six years old he pushed my head so hard onto the floor. I still have the scar on my forehead.

When my mother was diagnosed with depression, the four of us siblings had to move and we lived with him. He hired someone to take care of us while he was away at work.

There was so much fear in us when he was back. My father was so angry with one of my brothers one day that he turned him upside down and wanted to throw him off. I watched that episode with horror.

From then on, I tried not to make any mistake. I wept inside because he did not want to hear any whimper. And I continued watching him vent his anger on the rest of my siblings.

When my father divorced my mother, I did not know how to feel or react. My mother was back with us but her depression kept relapsing. We were neglected.

I found solace from friends at school. I enjoyed reading stories and literature. I spent my time in the school library. There was no home sweet home.

My mother could not take care of me. My father took me away to live with his new family. It did not work out. I was sent to a welfare home.

I did not deserve to be abandoned but I was helpless. I was mad with my father. I was not angry with my mother but I just did not understand why she had to be sick.

Until recently, I did not want to admit that my childhood affected me emotionally and mentally. I have brought the memories of bygone age along into my daily existence.

In all my relationships, everything went well until my partners suggested on serious commitments. I would then sabotage the relationships.

I was not able to open up to anyone. I was very defensive when given any advice or opinion on my attitude and behavior.

When there were arguments, I clamped up or walked off. I never wanted to face any issues and resolve them.

And I would not cry in front of anyone no matter how sad or hurt I was. I remembered a time when my sister was badly wounded and hospitalized. I did not want anyone to see me cry. I walked away and cried my heart out alone in a secluded place.

I excelled in my career by putting in lots of hours and efforts. Now I realized that it was one way of escaping reality. I kept myself so busy so that I do not notice things that needed attention. I was using work as a means to avoid commitments.

There was one thing that I gained from the experience of being abandoned. I was able to sit quietly alone for hours and reflect.

It has developed my fascination on natures beauty. I love the feel of the wind blowing on my face. I enjoy watching the rain falling. And no matter how bad the weather is, it is still beautiful.

I became curious about many things. I questioned others and myself about life and how some things happen to certain people. I wondered why people behave the way they do. I looked for the answers.

I have developed the strength to persevere. But that is not enough. I want to become a survivor who is able to balance her life and enjoy the abundance that the universe has to offer.

I have decided to break myself free from the shackles of my fragile upbringing. I promise myself that I will not allow my past to continue ruining my future.

This child has grown up and will not weep in silence anymore.
About the Author
Fatimah Musa provides information, tips and quotes to help people become aware that any future growth starts with their personal growth. You can visit Fatimah at http://www.about-personal-growth.com